How To Divide Bacon Equitably Among Three Hungry Boys – Breakfast Potatoes

All I remember about eating breakfast at home as a kid is 1) a distinct paucity of sugary cereals, which probably led to 2) French toast with syrup and cinnamon sugar. I also vaguely remember my parents trying to sneak wheat germ into things like pancakes, with varying degrees of success, but that memory is pretty hazy.

When we traveled to the cabin that my parents rented near Kutztown, Pennsylvania, breakfast was a highlight I definitely remember. That’s because my father’s specialties at the cabin were not ones he would cook at home. While there were eggs, toast, and orange juice, the most important parts of this meal were bacon and breakfast potatoes. To some this might not sound like a big deal, but we never had bacon and breakfast potatoes at home.

Let’s address the bacon first. With three hungry boys who only got bacon a handful of times a year, this was serious stuff. My parents did not purchase packaged supermarket bacon; rather, they got it at a farmer’s market like Zerns, where they sliced it when you ordered it, deli-style. Our first strategy was to ask that they slice it as paper thin as possible. We would get more slices per person, and therefore – in our eyes – more bacon. There was no telling us that a pound of thin-sliced bacon is exactly the same as a pound of thick-sliced bacon.

Second, we had to divide the precious slices among the three of us, and it had to be perfectly fair. We devised a system with hard and fast rules. One of us got to choose the first slice; he would also be stuck with slice number six. The second brother got to choose slices two and five. The last of us got slices three and four. All this took place ceremoniously under the watchful eyes of each other. Equitable, no doubt.

What, you may ask, happened if there was an additional slice or two? We had a strategy for that as well. If I had to split a slice with one of my brothers, for example, I might break the slice in two pieces, and he would get to choose which one he wanted. You can be sure that whomever was doing the splitting took pains to make it equal. (My son recently pointed out that researchers at Carnegie Mellon University proposed a similar “I-Cut-You-Choose” idea as a way to solve partisan political gerrymandering.) Of course the simple solution would have been for our parents to buy more bacon. Not going to happen. No matter how much there was, I’m sure we would have fought over it.

As for the breakfast potatoes, we loved them just as much, but I don’t remember fighting over them. They were potatoes, after all, and my father could always make more. Not home fries or hash browns, my father’s breakfast potatoes were just small chunks of potato, deep fried to golden perfection in hot vegetable oil – basically breakfast French fries, and they were delicious. My father always swore that they weren’t bad for you. “Properly fried food is not greasy. The hot oil seals the outside, preventing the grease from getting in,” he said.

I try not to eat much bacon these days and I made breakfast potatoes recently for the first time in decades. Nowadays if I want something to go with my eggs, I’ll often make Skillet Vegetable Hash, which cuts down on both the carbohydrates and the grease, and adds a healthy dose of fresh vegetables to my breakfast. While breakfast at home as a kid was not particularly memorable, that all changed when I went to the cabin with my parents and brothers, and our father cooked bacon and breakfast potatoes.

Breakfast Potatoes

These are simply deep-fried potatoes, which can be cut in any shape you want. Of course the shape, thickness, and size of the pieces will affect frying time, so be mindful as you cook. To make his breakfast potatoes, my father cut the potatoes in chunks about a half inch on edge and he never peeled them.

Some recipes suggest rinsing the potatoes in cold water to remove excess starch after you cut them and drying them well before frying, or frying twice, once on a lower temperature and then briefly over a higher heat. My father couldn’t be bothered with either of these, and his breakfast potatoes were always delicious.

Serves 2, about 20 minutes

2 large white potatoes

1 qt. vegetable, peanut, or canola oil

salt

1. Wash potatoes and dry them well. Cut them into pieces, about a half inch on edge.
2. Heat the oil in a heavy 3-quart saucepan on high until one piece of potato, dropped in to test the temperature, bubbles rapidly and rises to the surface. The oil should never get so hot that it is smoking. (If you have a thermometer, wait until the oil reaches around 350 ^oF
3. Add the potatoes, a spoonful at a time, stirring so they do not stick together. Adding them a little at a time will prevent the oil from rising too high in the pot, spilling over the edges, and causing a grease fire, and it will not cause the temperature of the oil to drop too much as potatoes are added.
4. Stir the potatoes gently, using a slotted spoon or spider, and cook until they are golden brown, about 8 to 10 minutes. If the oil starts to smoke, reduce the heat.
5. When the potatoes are sufficiently cooked, remove them from the oil with a slotted spoon or spider to a paper towel-lined bowl to blot off the remaining oil. Immediately sprinkle on salt to taste, tossing the potatoes so they are evenly coated. Serve hot.

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